For centuries, scholars have debated the existence of the Yeti—an elusive mountain cryptid said to roam remote peaks, possess mysterious supernatural abilities, and avoid human contact (sounds like the dream).

Sightings are rare. Evidence is inconclusive. Footprints appear briefly in the snow before vanishing into legend. But it has been watching us, possibly for centuries, lurking behind the snack aisle at Costco, ogling as we fight over samples and who gets in the mile-long line next.

In a development that has rocked cul-de-sacs nationwide, 34-year-old Chad Holloway was reportedly “blindsided” this Valentine’s Day after learning that the gifts he has confidently described for years as “thoughtful” are, in fact, “aggressively mediocre.” Or mid, as the kids say.

“I just don’t understand,” Chad said while staring at the unopened heart-shaped box of stale Walgreens chocolates he purchased at 7:42 p.m. on February 14th. “She said she wanted something meaningful. These have caramel in them!”

Monday is Labor Day in the US, AKA the calendar equivalent of a participation trophy for surviving another summer of climate change and chaos, and nowhere near enough iced coffee to cope with either.
 
Here's hoping we exchange The Great 2025 Dumpster Fire for a bonfire and sweater weather in the coming weeks. Meanwhile, sit back and enjoy the hard-earned fruits of your Labor Day weekend.

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