12 Simple Steps to Keep Your Spouse on Their Toes:
A Totally Serious Guide to Maintaining Chaos and Chemistry
by Lindsey Shellhammer
Step 1: The Crumb-tastrophe
They asked you to clean the kitchen, and technically you did! But why wipe the counters when you can just lovingly relocate every crumb into new coordinates across the surface?
It's called spreading character. Besides, no one can see those tiny crumbs anyway (they blend in with the granite!).
